Five Steps to Self-Control
𝐋𝐢𝐦𝐚 𝐉𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐏𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐃𝐢𝐫𝐢
Recently I got an email from a book reader, let's call him Mr. Anton, asking how to control my mind. Pak Anton felt that all this time it was not he who controlled his thoughts but that his thoughts controlled him. When he wants to think positively, negative thoughts emerge instead. On another occasion, according to Mr. Anton, he had difficulty controlling himself from urges that he knew he should not follow.
For example, Mr. Anton has just eaten. When his friend offered him food, he accepted the offer and ate with his friend. On another occasion, when his body was tired, after working all day, he was invited by his friend to go clubbing. He complied with this invitation. Even though Mr Anton knows his body needs rest. And it's true, because of lack of rest, Mr. Anton fell ill.
"How can I control myself, sir? I know what I have to do, but there is another part of me that is pushing me to do things I don't want to do. Often I feel like there is a conflict within me and what wins is the part that pushes me to do things that I don't really need to do. "After doing it, I felt regret, guilt and annoyance with myself," Mr Anton asked and complained to me.
What happened to Mr Anton is very common for us to experience. Every day there must be small conflicts within us. Even when it comes to waking up we already experience self-conflict, there is one part that says, "Hey... it's morning. It's time to get up. Get ready for the office," and another part said, "No need to get up now. Five more minutes.
You slept late last night. Plus five minutes isn't okay." Have you ever experienced something like this?
The five moves that I explain in this article are useful as strategies for controlling yourself in various aspects of life. You can apply this move to anything that deals with self-control. Now let's discuss each move. You can use each of these moves, separately, independently when you are trying to control yourself, or several at the same time.
1. The first step is to control yourself by using moral principles. Every religion definitely teaches morality, for example not stealing, not killing, not cheating, not lying, not getting drunk, not committing immoral acts.
When there is an urge to do something negative, try running towards moral signs. Is what we do in line with or contrary to moral and religious values?
For example, we get the opportunity to make a profit in an unnatural way. More direct language is an opportunity for corruption. When there is a self-conflict between yes or no, whether to do something or not, we can refer to the moral principles above. Religion teaches us not to steal or take things that do not belong to us, without the owner's permission. If we stick to this moral principle, we will not want corruption. Corruption is a sin. Corruption is bad karma. Could go to hell.
2. The second step for self-control is to use awareness. We are aware when a thought or feeling arises. In general, people are unable to capture the thoughts or feelings that arise. Thus they are immediately paralyzed and dominated by their thoughts and feelings. For example, someone insults or offends us. We are angry. If we are not aware or alert, when this angry emotion appears, so quickly, suddenly we are controlled by this anger.
If our self-awareness is good, we will know when this angry emotion appears. We will know when these emotions begin to grip and dominate us. We know when we are about to do something "stupid" that we shouldn't do. When we succeed in observing emotions, we can immediately stop their influence. If you still can't or find it very difficult to control yourself, turn your thoughts to moral principles. Usually we will be more able to control ourselves. What if we have done step one, moral principles, and step two, awareness, and it turns out we still have difficulty controlling ourselves?
3. Do the third step, namely by contemplation. When we really can't stand it, want to "explode" because we are controlled by emotions, when we want to get really angry, try to reflect. Ask yourself questions, for example, the following:
- - What good does it do me to be angry?
- - Is it true that my reaction is like this?
- - Why am I angry? Is the reason I'm angry correct?
- - If I get angry and do something "stupid" then my reputation will be damaged, it will be my own loss.
By reflecting frequently, we will be able to control ourselves. The working principle is actually simple. When emotions are active, our logic will not work. Vice versa. So, when we reflect or think deeply, the strength of our emotions or desires will decrease drastically.
4. The fourth step for self-control is to use patience. Emotions rise, fall, arise, subside, come and go just like thoughts. When emotions flare up, realize that this is only temporary. Try not to get lost in emotions. Use patience, wait until these emotions subside, then think to determine a wise and responsible response. Did you know that the word "responsibility" in English is responsibility, which if we break it down becomes response-ability or the ability to respond?
If you have used patience and still can't do it, what do you do?
5. Do the fifth step, namely keeping yourself busy with positive thoughts or activities. The mind can only think about one thing at a time. Like a cinema screen, only one film can be shown at a time. The film that appears on the screen of the mind is what influences our emotions and perceptions. When we succeed in forcing ourselves to think only positive things, the film on the screen in our mind also changes. In this way the influence of a desire or emotion will subside.
That's how it is... That's the reality...