MOTHER'S DREAM HANDSOME NEIGHBORHOOD
"Mama, why didn't you say that the front neighbor is handsome?"
Obviously I protested as soon as I got home. Fortunately, I still remember how to breathe. What if you fainted at the neighbor's house? Where do you think you have asthma! Yes, asthma. Romance!
Until now, I'm still nervous. Knees are also shaking. Just came home until staggered. I wanted to pretend to faint, but I realized I hadn't taken a shower, it still smelled sour.
However, I felt cheated because Mama didn't say that the owner of the front house was handsome, begging for mercy.
"Indeed, if Mama said the person is handsome what do you want?"
Come on, ask! Yes, of course I want to take a shower first, make up pretty so that my brother was immediately smitten. Love first sight is almighty!
But because my appearance earlier was disheveled and even blank and unclear, I'm sure it's not like love at first sight, I don't think you can see me as a girl!
"Mama is afraid that you are handsome, Ke. That's why Mama deliberately didn't say Bang Regan was handsome."
"His name is Bang Regan, Ma?" I blinked. Oh, his name is as cute as his. It seemed that he was Commander-in-Chief Xiao Hongye's twin who had strayed here. Hopefully, Bang Re will get lost in my heart for a long time.
"Keke!"
I was nervous because Mama's hand was moving in front of my face, making my delusion shattered!
"Shower there!" said Mama. It was his turn to come home from Bang Regan's house and he was told to take a shower. What are you trying to do?
Instead of taking a shower, I lay down on the couch imagining Bang Regan's face. How old is he, huh? And … I immediately got up. "Ma, Bang Regan are you married yet?"
"Yeah, I don't know. You think Mama is a census taker and you have to ask people's status?"
Heh. Gini really has a mother!
"Keke can I, Ma, close to Bang Regan?" I said while putting on a pitiful look and blinking like a doll. Instead of feeling sorry, Mama even hit me on the head.
"True lecture!" Mama said, then left.
"Keke wants to date, Ma!"
Mama turned around, making me fast because her face was suddenly fierce. Anyway, if Mama is already glaring, I don't dare to do anything. "Just kidding, Mom."
Before Mama threw the props, I immediately ran to the room.
"Keke!" Mom's voice boomed. I'm sure the collection of jars in this house shakes and cracks.
I'm in fifth semester and until now I'm still single. However, my face isn't that bad. In fact, many say I'm beautiful. But, I'm strictly prohibited from dating. I should have been able to go backstreet like other friends, but when I wanted to spread my charm, Mama would have been suspicious at first.
Why can't Mama be lied to like my friends' mothers? If they come home at night with the excuse of being on duty, it's very easy to get permission. Well, I'm extravagant. If it's five o'clock in the afternoon and you haven't come home, you can track it directly on the GPS. Greetings. It's like a prisoner of the city!
If there are night classes, you really have to provide proof. Moreover, Mama installed the zenly application on my cellphone. Are you serious. Isn't it very possessive?
"This is for your own good, Ke! Mama doesn't want anything to happen to you. You're Mama's only child."
There is some truth in that because I am an only child and it is impossible for Mama and Papa to be able to watch over me all the time. So they can only monitor me as much as they can via cellphone.
And behind her possessive attitude as someone you know, Mama is a fun person. Not only as a mother, but also treat me like a friend.
***
"To, dinner first!"
A knock on my bedroom door made me rush out. In this house, dinner is a place for quality time with family. Papa, who is busy all day at the office, will take advantage of the dinner moment to interact with his wife and children.
"Change her clothes," Mama said as soon as I left the room.
I scanned my own appearance. There's nothing strange about it, right? Shorts and a tank top are my everyday clothes at home. What's wrong with that?
"Come back in, Keke. Change clothes properly." Mama passed, like it or not I finally went into the room again to change clothes.
I walked unsteadily towards the dining table. Actually, I'm really lazy, but what if I don't join, Papa will definitely give a lecture, saying he's desperately looking for money for the children, but I don't even want to eat.
"So, did you have a house in Bali before?" Mama's voice was soft, then someone answered, but it didn't seem like Papa. Then who, please?
Out of curiosity, I hastened my steps to the dining room. As soon as I arrived I was stunned. Oh my, Bang Regan is here! He sat quietly with Papa and Mama.
It just so happened that from where I was standing now I could see Bang Regan clearly. He was wearing a blue shirt, actually too formal if he just wanted to have dinner with his neighbours. But it's okay, Bang Regan's smile distracted my world! Oh sweet….
"To?"
"Keke!"
I turned my gaze to Mama who was glaring. Finally, I immediately approached. Because I was in a hurry, my leg hit a chair. Ouch, sore!
"Be careful, Ke..." Mama's voice was softened, even though I was sure she wanted to scold me because I was careless in front of guests.
"Yes, Mom, sorry." If it wasn't for Bang Regan, I think I'd rather cry. It hurts so much I swear. Papa still chose a chair made of hard wood like this!
"Regan, this is my son Wike," Papa said. Bang Regan, who had been responding to Papa, then turned to me. he smiled. So sweet like foot candy!
Hi, Wiki. He held out his hand. And before shaking his hand, I rub my palms on the clothes first so that they are sterile.
"Earlier, Wike gave brownies to Regan. Don't you two know each other?" said Mama, ruining the greeting event between me and Bang Regan, who actually wanted me to hang around.
I was forced to let go of Bang Regan's hand. Hopefully, later on we can kiss his hand, and then kiss….
"Come on, eat. Don't be shy."
Again Mama broke my delusion. But, it's okay. As long as Bang Regan is here, the world feels like it belongs to both of us.
Eh, love at first sight really exists or not? I'm not exaggerating because I immediately like Bang Regan, right?
Actually, that handsome guy is like my daily food at campus. Beuh, from those who are new to those who are in charge, there are all of them! Also in this complex are also handsome. There is Om Hamka, there is a neighbor at the end of the complex who likes to run around in the morning, and many more. There's only one problem, Boss, they already have a handler! Beautiful times like this, I have to be a prostitute! Sorry, no levels!
My only hope now is Bang Regan. Hopefully he is single who also gets love at first sight like me. And I hope he'll join us for dinner here just as a mode because he actually wants to get close to me. Oh, the world is beautiful like in the novels.
"So, when is his future wife invited?"
Papa's question made me choke and cough.
What? Future wife? So, Bang Regan already has a future wife?
"Keke?"
"To?"
Mom patted me on the shoulder. Makes me sick inside and out. It's okay to suck beforehand. Withered before bloom! Too bad I swear!
"Drink first." Bang Regan handed him a glass of water. Try to help drink as well, Bang.
O Allah, the future husband of this person is so great! It's forbidden to look at, to ignore it dear!
TETANGGA GANTENG IDAMAN MAMA
Part 2
"Mama, kok nggak bilang kalau tetangga depan ganteng?"
Jelas aku protes begitu pulang ke rumah. Masih untung tadi aku ingat cara napas. Gimana tadi kalau sampai pingsan di rumah tetangga? Mana dikira kena asma! Iya sih, asma. Asmara!
Sampai sekarang, aku masih deg-degan. Lutut juga gemetar. Tadi aja pulang sampai sempoyongan. Mau pura-pura pingsan, tapi aku sadar belum mandi, masih bau asem.
Bagaimanapun, aku merasa tertipu karena Mama nggak bilang pemilik rumah depan gantengnya minta ampun.
"Memangnya, kalau Mama bilang orangnya ganteng kamu mau apa?"
Lah pake nanya! Ya jelas aku mau mandi dulu, dandan-dandan cantik biar abang tadi langsung kepincut. Love first sight kan maha dahsyat!
Tapi karena penampilanku tadi kucel dan malah plonga-plongo nggak jelas, aku yakin boro-boro love first sight, lihat aku sebagai cewek aja kayaknya enggak!
"Mama takut kamu ganjen, Ke. Makanya Mama sengaja nggak bilang Bang Regan ganteng."
"Namanya Bang Regan, Ma?" Aku mengerjap-ngerjap. Aduh namanya secakep orangnya. Kayaknya dia tuh kembaran Panglima Xiao Hongye yang tersesat ke sini. Semoga nanti lama-lama Bang Re tersesat di hatiku.
"Keke!"
Aku gelagapan karena tangan Mama bergerak-gerak di depan wajahku, bikin khayalanku buyar!
"Mandi sana!" kata Mama. Giliran udah pulang dari rumah Bang Regan aja disuruh mandi. Buat apaan coba?
Alih-alih mandi, aku malah rebahan di sofa sambil bayangin wajah Bang Regan. Kira-kira dia usia berapa, ya? Dan … aku langsung bangkit. "Ma, Bang Regan udah nikah belum?"
"Ya, nggak tau. Kamu pikir Mama tukang sensus sampai harus nanya status orang?"
Heleh. Gini amat punya nyokap!
"Keke boleh ya, Ma, deketin Bang Regan?" ucapku sambil pasang tampang memelas dan berkedip ala boneka. Bukannya kasihan, Mama malah menjitak kepalaku.
"Kuliah yang bener!" ucap Mama, lalu pergi.
"Keke mau pacaran, Ma!"
Mama berbalik, bikin aku kicep karena wajahnya mendadak garang. Pokoknya kalau Mama udah melotot, aku nggak berani macem-macem. "Bercanda, Ma."
Sebelum Mama melempar alat peraga, aku langsung kabur ke kamar.
"Keke!" Suara Mama menggelegar. Aku yakin koleksi guci di rumah ini sampai bergetar dan retak.
Aku udah semester lima dan sampai detik ini aku masih jomblo. Padahal, wajahku nggak jelek-jelek amat. Malah banyak yang bilang aku cantik. Cuman, aku dilarang keras pacaran. Seharusnya sih bisa aja backstreet kayak teman-teman lain, tapi baru mau tebar pesona aja Mama pasti udah curiga duluan.
Kenapa ya, Mama nggak bisa dibohongi kayak nyokap teman-temanku? Mereka tuh ya kalau pulang malam dengan alasan nugas, gampang banget ijinnya. Lah aku boro-boro. Kalau jam lima sore belum pulang langsung ditracking GPS-nya. Yasalam. Udah kayak tahanan kota!
Kalau ada kelas malam, harus beneran kasih bukti. Apalagi Mama pasang aplikasi zenly di hapeku. Serius. Posesif banget nggak sih?
"Ini buat kebaikan kamu, Ke! Mama nggak mau kamu kenapa-kenapa. Kamu anak Mama satu-satunya."
Ada benarnya juga sih karena aku ini anak tunggal dan Mama Papa nggak mungkin bisa mengawasiku setiap waktu. Jadi mereka hanya bisa memantauku sebisanya lewat hape.
Dan di balik sikap posesifnya sebagai orang tau, Mama adalah orang yang asyik. Nggak cuma sebagai seorang ibu, tapi juga memperlakukan aku layaknya teman.
***
"Ke, makan malam dulu!"
Ketukan di pintu kamar membuat aku cepat-cepat keluar. Di rumah ini, makan malam adalah ajang untuk quality time dengan keluarga. Papa yang seharian sibuk di kantor akan memanfaatkan momen makan malam untuk berinteraksi dengan anak istrinya.
"Ganti bajunya," kata Mama begitu aku keluar kamar.
Aku memindai penampilanku sendiri. Perasaan nggak ada yang aneh, deh. Celana pendek dan tanktop adalah pakaianku sehari-hari di rumah. Apa salahnya sih?
"Masuk lagi, Keke. Ganti baju yang bener." Mama berlalu, mau nggak mau akhirnya aku masuk ke kamar lagi buat ganti baju.
Aku berjalan gontai menuju meja makan. Sebenarnya males banget, tapi gimana lagi, kalau nggak gabung pasti Papa bakal ceramah katanya beliau mati-matian cari duit buat anak, tapi malah akunya nggak mau makan.
"Jadi, sebelumnya punya rumah di Bali?" Suara Mama terdengar lembut, lalu seseorang menjawab, tapi sepertinya bukan Papa. Terus siapa, dong?
Karena penasaran, aku mempercepat langkah ke ruang makan. Begitu nyampe aku tertegun. Ya ampun, Bang Regan di sini! Dia duduk anteng sama Papa dan Mama.
Kebetulan banget dari tempat aku berdiri sekarang bisa lihat Bang Regan dengan jelas. Dia pake kemeja biru, terlalu formal sebenernya kalau cuma mau makan malam sama tetangga. Tapi nggak apa-apa, senyum Bang Regan mengalihkan duniaku! Aih manisnya ….
"Ke?"
"Keke!"
Aku mengalihkan pandangan ke Mama yang ternyata melotot. Akhirnya, aku langsung mendekat. Karena buru-buru, jadinya kakiku terantuk kursi. Aduh, ngiluuu!
"Hati-hati dong, Ke …." Suara Mama dilembut-lembutin, padahal aku yakin beliau mau ngomel karena aku ceroboh di depan tamu.
"Iya, Ma, maaf." Kalau nggak ada Bang Regan, kayaknya aku mending nangis deh. Sakit banget sumpah. Papa sih milih kursi dari kayu yang keras begini!
"Regan, ini anak saya namanya Wike," kata Papa. Bang Regan yang dari tadi menanggapi Papa, kemudian menoleh ke arahku. Dia tersenyum. Manis banget kayak permen kaki!
"Hai, Wike." Dia mengulurkan tangan. Dan sebelum menjabat tangannya, aku menggosok-gosokkan telapak tangan ke baju dulu biar steril.
"Tadi kan Wike ngasih brownies buat Regan. Memangnya kalian belum kenalan?" celetuk Mama, merusak acara salaman aku dan Bang Regan yang sebenarnya mau aku lama-lamain.
Dengan sangat terpaksa aku lepasin tangan Bang Regan. Semoga sih, nanti-nanti bisa sekalian cium tangannya, terus cium ….
"Ayo, dimakan. Jangan malu-malu."
Lagi-lagi Mama membuyarkan khayalanku. Tapi, nggak apa-apa. Selama Bang Regan masih ada di sini, dunia terasa milik kami berdua.
Eh, love first sight itu beneran ada nggak sih? Ini aku nggak lebay karena langsung suka sama Bang Regan, kan?
Sebenernya, cowok ganteng itu udah kayak makanan sehari-hariku di kampus. Beuh mau dari yang maba sampe yang kating ada semua! Terus di komplek ini juga pada ganteng-ganteng. Ada Om Hamka, ada tetangga ujung komplek yang sukanya lari-lari kalau pagi, dan masih banyak lagi. Masalahnya cuma satu ya, Bos, mereka udah ada pawangnya! Masa cantik-cantik gini aku harus jadi pelakor! Mohon maaf, nggak level!
Harapanku sekarang cuma Bang Regan. Semoga dia jomblo yang juga kena love first sight kayak aku. Dan semoga dia ikut makan malam di sini cuma modus doang karena sebenernya mau deketin aku. Duh indahnya dunia kayak di novel-novel.
"Jadi, kapan calon istrinya diajak?"
Pertanyaan Papa bikin aku tersedak dan batuk-batuk.
Apa? Calon istri? Jadi, Bang Regan udah punya calon istri?
"Keke?"
"Ke?"
Mama menepuk-nepuk pundakku. Bikin aku tambah sakit luar dalam. Belum apa-apa udah nyesek duluan. Layu sebelum berkembang! Sial banget sumpah!
"Minum dulu." Bang Regan menyodorkan segelas air putih. Coba bantuin minum sekalian, Bang.
Ya Allah, calon suami orang gini amat! Dilirik haram, diabaikan sayang!